


Lost it All (But Baby, You Found Me)

by hockeyallthehockey



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Getting Together, History Teacher Sid, M/M, Pens Captain Geno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 16:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19135498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hockeyallthehockey/pseuds/hockeyallthehockey
Summary: When Sid took his son to the Little Penguins, he knew it would bring back a painful past. But it also handed him an unexpected future.





	Lost it All (But Baby, You Found Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpiritsFlame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritsFlame/gifts).



“Dad, come  _ on _ !”

Sid shook his head and made a face at himself in the bathroom mirror. Usually, he was the one trying to get Jamie out the door. Then again, they weren’t usually on their way to Little Penguins, and Jamie wasn’t usually about to learn how to play hockey at the Pens’ practice arena.

“Daaaaad!”

“I’m coming, Jamie,” Sid called as he headed for the stairs. “Do you have your jacket on?”

“Yeah,” Jamie answered impatiently from the bottom of the stairs. “An’ my boots, an’ my hat, an’ my scarf, an’...”

“Okay, okay, bud, I get it.” Sid chuckled as he took the last few steps. “We have plenty of time, don’t worry.”

Jamie gave him the most baleful look a 7 year old could manage - well, a 7 year old who had been taught by his aunt Taylor - and Sid arched an eyebrow at him as he pulled on his own coat, then reached for his boots, hat, and scarf.

“Okay, buddy, car. I’m ready.” Sid hadn’t even finished speaking before Jamie was out the door into the garage. Sid followed him, snagging his keys, wallet, and phone.

“Seatbelt,” he reminded his son as he climbed into the driver’s seat. Jamie just grinned at him in the rear view mirror, and Sid couldn’t help but grin back as he started the car.

The drive to the arena in Cranberry didn’t take long, but Jamie chattered at him the whole time about how  _ cool _ it was going to be to play hockey where the Penguins practice, and maybe they’d get to see some of the players, and dad,  _ dad _ , maybe Geno would be there, that would be  _ so cool _ , dad!

Sid kept a smile on his face for his son’s sake, but while Jamie was absolutely ecstatic about it all, Sid was hoping to keep a low profile and get in and out with as little contact as possible with anyone related to the team.

\----

Sid got Jamie through registration and saw him handed off to one of the poor souls tasked with wrangling all the kids, and then found a spot in the stands, not too far back from the glass but not close to it, either. It had been a long time since he’d been in a hockey arena; a long time, when he had all but lived in them for most of his youth.

In a different life, this might have been where he practiced, the Pens might have been his team. He might have won the Stanley Cup with them in 2009, hoisted it along with Malkin and Kunitz and Letang and Fleury. He’d been scouted when he played for Rimouski, had even spoken with then-Captain and now-owner Mario Lemieux. They had wanted him and he had wanted to wear the Penguins’ black and yellow.

A 17 year old player from the Halifax Mooseheads had other ideas. Sid had been no stranger to other players who wanted him out of their way. He’d been boarded, tripped, slashed,  _ injured _ because of what he could do on the ice. He’d always come out of it okay, but even the best of luck had to run dry eventually. A hard check into the boards from a couple of feet away had left him unconscious on the ice, with a severe concussion, a broken nose and eye orbit, a broken arm, and permanent damage to his vision in one eye.

That had been the end of his nascent hockey career.

After he recovered - as far as he was going to recover - he ended up studying history at Dalhousie University in Halifax, close to home and far away from the city that  _ could _ have been his home. And then fate brought him back around to Pittsburgh. His girlfriend was accepted to a graduate program in Chemical Engineering at the University of Pittsburgh, and Sid had screwed up his courage and transferred to their graduate History program.

The school year had barely started when Tracy found out she was pregnant. Eight months later, Sid held his tiny, dark-haired son and gratefully accepted the help offered by his parents as he attended Tracy’s funeral and tried to figure out how to be a single father.

Seven years later, he was a high school history teacher. Jamie was the spitting image of his father at that age, and was becoming completely obsessed with hockey, and with the Pens in particular.

They watched all the games at home, and Jamie had a number 71 Malkin jersey - a gift from Tracy’s parents for his birthday last year. He’d have another, after today, one big enough to fit over the free gear that he got as part of the Little Penguins program.

\----

Once the kids were out on the ice, some more steady on their skates than others, all of them wearing number 71, Sid had to go down to the glass to get pictures. His parents, and Tracy’s, would want to see this. All of the kids plopped down on the ice to listen to their instructors, and then they got started with some fun ‘drills’ with the kids who knew how to skate, and a skating lesson for those who really didn’t.

Jamie had been skating since he was three, and was as steady on his skates as any other child out there. He threw himself into the drills with maybe a little too much enthusiasm, but he was clearly having the time of his life. Sid couldn’t help but grin, watching him, as he took pictures and video.

In the middle of a competition to see who could skate - with a puck on their stick - around a set of cones the fastest, there was a commotion at the half boards, and all of the kids abandoned what they were doing to swarm the tall, lanky man who skated out onto the ice, shouts of “Geno! Geno!” filling the arena.

Sid blinked, blinked again, and then sat down hard in the closest seat. That was him. That was Evgeni Malkin, Captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Geno was clearly happy to be there, a huge grin on his face, his tongue poking between his teeth as he winked at one child, his eyes crinkling up as he laughed with another. He dove right in, helping them with whatever tasks the instructors gave them. Jamie was over the moon, Sid could see his grin from across the ice, when Geno set up across from him to take a faceoff.

Sid couldn’t hear what he was saying, but Geno nodded, then straightened up a little and looked right over at where Sid was sitting. He lifted a gloved hand to wave, grinning, and Sid wanted to sink through the floor and disappear. Instead, he lifted one hand to wave back.

Geno just grinned again and turned back to Jamie, and Sid took the opportunity to slip out of the stands and into the lobby for a few minutes, needing to be away from the ice, the rink, the… player he’d been crushing on for years, never mind that he’d so badly wanted to play alongside him before everything changed.

\----

Ultimately, Sid’s need to make sure Jamie was all right overcame his awkward discomfort, and he made his way back to his original seat, a bit back from the glass, to watch the rest of the practice. When it wound down, he followed the rest of the parents to where the kids were getting changed back into their street clothes, helped by their instructors.

Sid looked for Jamie, and spotted him sitting in a stall along the side of the room. As he made his way over, weaving through other parents, instructors, and kids, he realized that the instructor crouched in front of his son, helping him unlace his skates, was none other than Geno Malkin, himself. He almost turned around again, but he couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t, and Jamie had spotted him, anyway.

“Dad! Dad! Look, dad, it’s Geno! I told you he’d be here!” Jamie was almost bouncing off the edge of his seat with excitement, and Sid tried to school away his panicked expression as Malkin turned and straightened to his feet, smiling, one hand held out.

“Hello, Jamie’s papa. I’m Geno. Nice to meet you.”

As if anyone in the room didn’t know who Geno was. Sid resisted the urge to wipe his palm against the leg of his jeans before he held his hand out to shake. “Hello, Mister Malkin. You can call me Sid. Thanks for taking the time with the kids, today. Jamie was really hoping you’d be here.”

Geno’s grip was warm and firm, and he smiled with his tongue between his teeth again. “Mister Malkin my papa,” he said. “You can call me Geno.” Then he cocked his head a little. “Jamie say you play hockey, too.”

Sid winced, and gave a tight little smile. “I did, years ago. Not in a long time, though.”

“Dad got hurt, so he couldn’t get drafted,” Jamie put in helpfully, and Sid wanted to tell him to stop, please, just be quiet, but Jamie was on a roll. “He was gonna play for the Pens, too, Mister Geno!”

Sid desperately wanted to disappear, for the ground to swallow him up,  _ something _ that would erase Jamie’s words, but real life didn’t work that way. Geno was looking at him curiously, and Sid could see the moment when he got it.

“Sidni Krosbi!” he said, his accent making Sid’s name sound exotic. “You gonna be best player in the world, but Donovan board you and you not play any more!”

Sid swallowed hard and nodded, his smile even tighter now. “Yeah, that’s me. Like I said, I haven’t played in a long time. No peripheral vision over here.” He wiggled his fingers beside his right eye. “Can’t play hockey with no peripheral vision.”

Geno frowned, and then shook his head, his expression going rueful. “Sorry, Sid, should not have said. Not good memories, I understand.”

Sid shook his head, too. “It’s all right. It was a long time ago. I teach high school history, now. It’s fun, the kids are great. Um. We should, uh. Let you get back to, to whatever you need to do. Thanks again for helping Jamie, today. C’mon, bud, let’s get you ready to go home.”

He gave Geno another quick smile, and then crouched in front of Jamie - who was waving to Geno with a big grin, oblivious to his father’s upset - to get his skates and the rest of his gear off. By the time he had Jamie back in his street clothes and his gear packed into his hockey bag, Geno was gone.

\----

Sid stood under the hot water in his shower for longer than he should have, after he finally got Jamie to bed that night. It had hit him harder than he had thought it would, being back in a hockey arena, and seeing Malkin -  _ meeting _ Malkin, being  _ recognized _ by him - had really thrown him for a loop. They would’ve been team-mates, had things gone they way Sid had planned. By now, they would have been team-mates, and maybe friends, for ten  _ years _ .

But, Sid reminded himself, he wouldn’t have Jamie if he’d gone to the NHL. He wouldn’t have his classrooms full of bored teenagers who somehow, most of them at least, found a way to be interested in and enjoy history when Sid taught it.

He lay in bed for a long time that night before sleep finally came, and when it did, he dreamed of bright arena lights, the sound of blades cutting across fresh ice, the roar of the crowd, and Geno’s tongue-between-the-teeth grin.

\----

The next Friday, Geno was there again. Sid knew the moment he appeared, because just like the previous week, the kids all abandoned whatever they were doing and swarmed him.

And just like the previous week, Geno spent the session with them, even starting up a game of on-ice freeze tag. More than once, though, Sid caught Geno looking his way, sharp eyes finding him in the stands, and when Geno realized he’d been caught, he grinned and waved. Sid could only wave back. How was this his life?

Geno wasn’t in the changing room, after practice, and Sid got Jamie back into his street clothes while his son chattered about what he’d learned, how awesome it was, and did you see Geno, dad? He skated with us again, he showed me how to celly!

“I saw him, buddy. You tagged him, I saw.” Sid held Jamie’s coat so he could put it on, and then turned him around to crouch and zip up the front. “You did really good today, Jay. You wanna go to McD’s for dinner? You can play in the Playland.”

Jamie lit right up - hockey, Geno,  _ and _ McDonald’s all in one day! Sid grinned and ruffled his hair, and then herded him towards the exit, carrying his gear bag, so much lighter than his own had been, over his shoulder.

Outside the changing room, Jamie stopped short, and Sid almost ran into him. But before Sid could ask what he was doing, Jamie yelped happily and took off across the corridor to wrap his arms around a very long pair of jeans-clad legs. “Geno! You’re still here!”

Geno caught him and scooped him up with a grin, then gave Sid an apologetic look. “Sorry I’m not help get skates off, today. Needed to shower and get dressed so I can, um, ask you if you and Jamie get food with me.”

Sid blinked, staring at him, because there was no way he had heard that right. Jamie, however, had heard it perfectly, and squealed in delight.

“We’re goin’ ta McDonald’s, Geno! You can come with us!”

Sid winced hard. “Jamie, Mister Malkin is a hockey player, I’m sure he doesn’t want to eat at McDonald’s.”

Geno, though, just grinned at him with his tongue poking between his teeth. “I’m  _ love _ McDonald’s. My favourite. Can cheat on food plan sometimes, Sid.”

Sid managed a slightly lopsided smile, but what could he say without upsetting his son and being rude to Geno? “I, uh, okay, yeah, for sure. We’re just going to the one over on Cranberry Commons. You could, uh, meet us there?”

Geno agreed easily, and Sid was left wrangling Jamie into the car and hoping he didn’t embarrass himself completely in front of Geno over burgers, fries, and Coke.

Geno met them there, insisted on paying for their meals, and took Jamie’s side when Jamie insisted that they had to eat in the Playland, too. Sid just shook his head helplessly, chuckling, and let Geno lead the way, with Jamie happily dogging his heels. Jamie spent so much time talking to Geno that he barely touched his McNuggets, but Geno was just as chatty, and Sid just let them have at it, smiling fondly while he ate his own burger.

When Jamie finally went off to climb through the maze of tubes and mesh and slides, Geno turned to Sid with another sheepish smile. “Thank you for let me eat with you, tonight, Sid. I know I should not ask with Jamie there, but… I’m not want you to say no.”

Sid blinked at him, and then cleared his throat and ducked his head a little. “I wouldn’t have said no…” he hedged, and Geno laughed softly.

“I’m want to make sure,” he said, and then cleared his own throat. “Is not fair to you, and I’m sorry. I’m just, uh, really want to spend time with you?”

Sid had spent years learning to deal with his damaged vision, but he was starting to think he needed to get his hearing checked, too. “You… wanted to spend time with  _ me _ ?” he asked. “But… I mean, you’re… you’re… you know,  _ you _ . I’m just, uh.  _ Not _ a famous hockey player.”

Geno snorted softly, his cheeks tinting pink a little. “I’m just a guy, you know? Still know good looking guy when I see one.” His smile grew as Sid’s cheeks stained pink, too, and then his expression shaded towards more serious. “If things different, maybe we know each other long time, play together long time. That’s not happen, but I’m think… I’m  _ hope _ … maybe we get chance to know each other now?”

Sid gave himself a shake. “Are you… Geno, are you asking me out?”

It was Geno’s turn to duck his head a little, but then he met Sid’s eyes and nodded. “Yes, am asking you out. Is busy time for everyone, but I’m hope maybe we can get dinner, or coffee, or… something?”

Jamie interrupted the moment when he barreled over and slammed into Sid’s side. “Dad, dad, watch me go down the swirly slide!”

Sid caught him and blinked, then huffed a laugh. “Okay, buddy, I’m watching. Go ‘head.”

“Geno, watch me!” Jamie tacked on, as he ran back to the play structure and started making his way through the tubes to the top of the spiral slide.

“I’m watch!” Geno called after him, grinning. Sid took the time to consider Geno’s question as they both watched Jamie come down the slide, arms in the air.

“Great job, buddy!” Sid called. “Go do it again!” As Jamie started back up again, Sid turned back to Geno. “I have to put him first,” he said. “In everything. He’s the most important thing in my life, and I can’t… get involved with someone who doesn't understand that and respect it.”

Geno was nodding before Sid finished speaking. “He’s your son, of course he’s most important thing. I’m never try to change that. And I’m know is hard, dating someone like me. Maybe is not something you want to try, and I’m understand that. But I’m hope, you know?”

Sid nodded, chewing on his upper lip. “I don’t… I haven’t… last week was the first time I’ve been in a hockey rink since the day I got hurt,” he admitted. “It might… be hard for me, sometimes. I wanted what you have,  _ so badly _ , and I lost it.”

Geno looked at him for a minute, and then nodded, too. “I’m not know if I can be around hockey, if I lose hockey like you did,” he said quietly. “I think I’m be very angry. At everything.”

Sid huffed a short laugh. “Oh, I was angry. I was furious. I hated Donovan, I hated the Pens, I hated the  _ world _ . I had a lot of therapy in the first few years, a lot of psychological therapy. And it helped, it really did. I’m not… I’m not saying no, Geno. I mean, I  _ really  _ don’t understand why you want to date  _ me _ , but… I’m just saying that sometimes I might need to… no, that’s not right either. Maybe what I’m saying is I want to try, and maybe I might need to talk to a therapist again.”

Geno reached across the table to cover Sid’s hand with his own. “Is not easy, say to someone you need help. Is brave. If you need that, then I’m be there for support you, Sid. I’m want to try, too. Will you get dinner with me? Maybe… next time just us, and then after that, next time with Jamie?”

Sid looked from Geno over to where Jamie was going down the spiral slide yet again, in his #71 Malkin jersey. “He loves you, you know,” he says. “If this goes badly, it’ll break his heart.”

Geno watched Jamie, too, smiling at the boy’s enthusiastic charge back up to the top of the slide. “He’s great kid,” he said softly. “If we not work out, I’m not just stop pay attention to him. Whatever happen between us, not his fault.”

Sid took a deep breath and turned back to face Geno. “You should also know that I’ve kinda had a crush on you for, like… since before I got hurt. So if that’s too weird or something, uh…”

Geno blinked, and then grinned slowly, thoroughly delighted. “Is true? You crush on  _ me _ ?”

Sid groaned, covering his red face with one hand. “Shut up, yes. Oh my God, why did I even tell you that?”

Geno laughed, his odd little backwards laugh, and reached to pull Sid’s hand away from his face. “I like it,” he said. “I’m glad. Get dinner with me, Sid. Please?”

Sid let Geno pull his hand away, and took a deep breath before he nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, okay, I’d really like that.”

\----

Epilogue:

“Daaaaad!”

“I’m almost ready, I swear. Where’s Geno?”

Jamie poked his dark head around the door jam and gave his father an exasperated look. “He’s like, already out in the yard, dad! Everybody’s waiting for you!”

Sid looked at Jamie in the mirror, as he tried to get his bowtie to sit just right. “He’s already out there? Oh God, okay, um… right, this is, uh, this is as good as it’s gonna get.” He turned from the mirror, and took a deep breath. “How do I look, buddy?”

Jamie gave him two thumbs up, a mirror image of his father in his own tuxedo. “You look great, dad. Seriously, you could wear anything and G would think you looked great. Come  _ on! _ ”

Sid took another deep breath and followed Jamie out of the master bedroom, down the curving staircase, and through to the back yard, where chairs had been set up and their family and friends were gathered - all of them waiting on Sid, the guy who was never late.

Up at the front, standing tall and so, so handsome in his own tuxedo, was the man Sid was going to marry, the man he’d been in love with for the better part of three years. Geno spotted him and smiled, and Sid smiled back.

“C’mon, Jamie,” he said, nodding to where Geno and the minister waited for them. “You’re the best man, get to it.”

Jamie beamed at him and then started towards the front, taking his place on Geno’s other side, the rings in his hand.

Sid followed him, and reached to take Geno’s outstretched hand as he stepped up beside him. “Hi.”

Geno grinned helplessly at him. “Hi, Sid. You’re late.”

Sid had to laugh, the ridiculous goose-honk laugh that he tried so hard to hide, the one that always made Jamie - and Geno - laugh in response. “Sorry. Pretty sure I’m right where I’m supposed to be, though.”

Geno squeezed his hand and they turned to face the minister together.


End file.
